


Scout’s Secret

by cupidsmagik



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Caught, Demo drinks cum lol, Hentai, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have school tomorrow why am I writing this, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lesbian Miss Pauling, Lmao scout’s mad milk is just cum, Mad Milk, Masturbation, Medic is just- here I guess, Miss Pauling is referenced, Other, Porn Watching, Satire, Scout is bi lol, stan loona, this is based off of those 15.ai videos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsmagik/pseuds/cupidsmagik
Summary: Demo finds out what Scout’s Mad Milk is actually made of,,, uh 🧍ANYWAY THIS IS ALL SATIRE DONT CANCEL ME NAHDKKS
Relationships: Miss Pauling Bodypillow/Scout
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Scout’s Secret

“A-aH! YAMENAIDE KU-KUDASAI!” The speakers from the machine called out. Scout had lost his headphones last week while in a match, so this’ll just have to do for now. The boy’s red shirt had been stained from him cumming a few minutes before, guess he’s up for round two. 

Sliding his dick out of the now cum filled bottle was like heaven on earth for him. He felt so much free after he busted inside of it. He grabbed his lotion bottle, going in for another pump of the substance. 

Scout bit his lip, sweat dropping from his brow. “ One—Onegaishimasu..” The anime girl spoke from his computer, soft moans were heard afterwards. He chuckled softly, knowing he was in for a good time.

“Scout? _Scout_? Where are ye, lad?” A voice called from down the hall.

The boy scrambled, quickly gathering all his belongings and hiding them under his desk as soon as possible. The bright computer screen glowed of a peach color in the dark room. Faint and quiet moans radiating from the speakers attached to the machine. “Aw crap..aw crap—“ Scout uttered.

The clinking and clanking sounds of the old cleaned out milk bottles made it even worse. The footsteps began to get louder and louder with every clink of the bottle. 

The silver handle leading into the door turned, the door creaking after it. “Hey, Scout. I just wanted to apologize for earlier,” The black Scottish cyclops spoke. He looked up from the floor, immediately regretting his slight head movements. 

“Demo! What the hell are you doing?! Close the friggin’ door!” The boy shouted, throwing the Miss Pauling pillow down to the ground and pushing the bottles of “Mad Milk” off his desk and into the garbage can. “You’ve ‘otta be kiddin’ me..” Demo whispered. 

“Are you cumming in this fookin’ jars?! And— and why are there caps lying everywhere?” He yelled angrily, all the boy could do was stammer while trying to explain himself.

The taller one stepped into the room, picking up the body pillow. 

Dear god.

Everyone on the team knew he had a thing for Miss Pauling even though she was a lesbian, but this is just too far. Having a NSFW pillow covered in crusted cum was just too far. 

“This..this is our co-worker, Lad. You can’t just go around jerkin’ off to ye own colleagues! That’s disgustang.” Demo exclaimed. “Demo, it’s—it’s not like that I swear! It was a gift from..from uh-“ “From who? Who the hell would gift you a body pillow from our own colleague? Must’a been a sick bastard ta’ even think about doin’ that.”

Demoman crossed his arms, “When we found out about yer hentai addiction, that was fine. It wasn’t hurtin’ anyone. When we found out you were bi, that was also fine. But this?! Have ya lost yer mind?” He asked, genuinely confused

“Nevamind, forget I even mentioned it. But, Demo! I can explain all of this I swear!” Scout pleaded. “Take a seat, I’ll tell ya about it.” He added. Demo squinted at him. He didn’t even know where to sit. Every square inch of his room was a bloody mess. Jars, plates, magazines, cumrags, and whatever you could think of was everywhere. 

Demo closed the door behind him, stepping over the bottles to make sure he didn’t spill anything on him or on the floor. He took a seat on Scout’s bed, his chair swiveling over to face Demo. “I uh..I made a discovery.” Scout said, grabbing one of the bottles. 

“My uh..fluids taste just like milk. I-I’ve known this for a while, but I recently noticed something.” He explained, popping the cap off of one of the bottles. 

Scout grabbed a knife he stole from Spy a few days ago from under his pillow. He grabbed Demo’s hand a sliced his palm open, blood pouring out at an alarming rate. “Ah! What th’ hell was that for?!” He barked. “You’ll see.”

He reached his hand with the bottle in it over to Demo. “Try some.” He uttered. “Are ye serious..? You want me to drink your fookin’ semen?! What the hell is wrong with y—“ Scout covered his mouth.

“You’re so friggin’ loud. The others might hear.” He whispered angrily. “Just pretend it’s normal milk. Dont even think about the texture.” He added.

Demo felt like this was a nightmare he couldn’t wake up from.

“I can’t believe you’re even makin’ me do this, lad.” Demo said, almost gagging. Demo took the bottle with his non-bleeding hand and chugged the semen. A small drip going down his chin. The warm sticky liquid became familiar to his mouth quickly, forgetting it was even Scout’s cum in seconds. 

“Y-you can stop now.” Scout spat, he fought the urge to ask if his cum was _bussin’_. Demo nodded, placing the bottle on the floor. “Look down at your hand, ya’ goof.” Demo’s eye quickly scanned over to his hand.

Before his eye, his wound started to heal right infront of him. “Wh..what kind of fookin’ witchcraft is in your semen, boy?” He asked with genuine fear. 

“Not sure.” He shrugged, he grabbed the bottle Demo had drank out of and place it under his desk for later. “I..I’m not sure how long my cum or whateva has been like this, but I think it can be used for good.” Scout grabbed Demo’s hand, looking up at his confused and utterly disgusted face.

The room fell silent as the two heard footsteps that sounded like they were coming towards Scout’s room. “Oh god, it’s one of ‘em..” Demo sighed, embarrassed to be in Scout’s room. 

“Guten tag, mei—“ Medic’s voice called out from the door. He froze as he saw both Demo and Scout holding hands. “Oh..Scout, when you came out to us as “bisexual”, did this mean that Demoman is now your boyfriend?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “M—Ludwig, I’m not a homosexual.” Demo shouted. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Medic snickered, walking inside the room. He grabbed one of the bottles and inspected it. “Oh my. Scout, why do you have so many bottles of your milk in here? Shouldn’t you be saving them for our next match?” Medic assured. The life from Scout’s face disappeared. 

“Hah, doc the-the thing is..this isn’t milk.” He snickered, trying to make this interaction with the doctor not sound so awkward. Medic took his eyes off the Scout, peering over towards the glass. 

“Ah!” He squealed, dropping the bottle immediately. “Is—is this your own semen?! Do you know what kind of biohazard that is?!” The German doctor declaimed with rage. “It-it heals people! Just ask Demo, he drank some of tha’ stuff!” He explained. Medic looked over at Demo, with disgust. 

Demo sighed, disappointed to even explain this. “He’s right doc. He stabbed me’ bloody hand and when I drank some of his..” Demo gagged. “Semen..that fucker healed in seconds.” He quietly sobbed, the realization of him drinking another man’s body fluids had hit him. 

Medic sat down on the bed to comfort the crying Demoman. “Scout, are you _sure_ that this healed him?” He asked. “Of course I am! Look at his hand, just like he said.” Medic gazed at Demo’s healed hand. He could even see where he was stabbed. 

“Mein gott..” The doctor whispered.

“Finally, I don’t have to heal you people anymore.” He sighed with relief. “Wh..wot?” The still crying Demoman asked, peeking his head up. “The scout has his semen and The Heavy has his sandwiches. Both can heal people, so I don’t even see why I need to be here anymore.” Medic said happily, getting up from Scout’s bed. 

Medic took off his lab scout, handing it to Scout. The man happily walked out of the room and down the hall. “Woah, woah—what the hell?” He asked. The keys to his operating room were in the left pocket. “I’m finally out of  
this hell hole. You’ll be a great doctor, Scout. I believe in you!” He laughed.

Scout and Demo sat there filled with pure confusion. “I-I..” Scout muttered, he didn’t even know what to say. “I quit. I hate all of ya’.” Demo sniffled, walking out of the room and slamming the door. 

The only sounds in the room were the soft moans of the anime girl still on his computer. The air was still, the faint milky smell of Scout’s cum still remained in the wind. Scout gripped the lab coat.

Scout spent the remainder of the night getting rid of the milk bottles. He sat in his bed, looking up at his ceiling. The dark room and it’s energy began to consume him, allowing him to finally fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> HOW THE FUCK DID I MOVE FROM WRITTING SAD UNUS ANNUS STUFF TO MAKING FUCKINF TF2 FANFICTION ABOUT MAD MILK?? WHAT?? BAHJSJAKA  
> Fuck this I’m gonna go listen to Will Wood,, 🚶


End file.
